2015

Living another lifetime in a dream

I meditated last night until I started falling asleep. I kept trying to fight through the sleepiness, but it was to no avail.

I got up, went to bed, and almost immediately had one of those “You’re not Al, you’re somebody else” dream or dream-like experiences (like when Captain Picard went unconscious on the bridge and lived another life). After a long period of time I woke up in a bed with tears streaming down my cheeks because of what had just happened. (A friend died in my arms.) I sat up, looked around, but couldn’t figure out who or where I was. With my body/brain/mind rejecting the situation, I barfed into the trash can by the bedside. I was glad someone put that there.

After somewhere between thirty and ninety seconds I remembered who/where I am. With my body shaking as usual after one of these experiences, and not wanting to go back to sleep, I bundled up and went for a long, cold, after-midnight November walk. The clear sky was beautiful, and I was glad to be alive, even if I felt like crap. I made a note to myself that I need to take midnight walks more often, I appreciate the solitude.

~ November 12, 2015

Woke up with a swollen brain

I woke up this morning and immediately knew something was wrong. I ran into the bathroom, turned on the light, looked in the mirror, and saw that my head looked a lot like a Talosian from Star Trek. “Oh crap,” I thought, “I’m having an allergic reaction to this new medication.” So I went flying out of the apartment and down the hall, yelling, “Help! Someone call 911! Does anyone have some Benadryl?”

Fortunately it was just another dream.

Feeling like I have been drugged

When I was very sick in 2015-2016, I used to tell my doctors it felt like I had been “drugged.” When I could see that they couldn’t understand or believe that, I’d tell them that it felt the way you feel after surgery, groggy and woozy.

For the most of this year I’ve been eating very well, but yesterday I went to see a movie (Logan) and had some popcorn. Shortly after eating the popcorn I started to feel sick, and today I feel like I’ve been drugged.

This — as I have learned — is life with mast cell activation disease, known as MCAD or MCAS.

Why do I keep misplacing things?

“I don’t understand, why do I keep losing things?”

“This is a dream,” Bec said. “Things have a way of coming and going.”

“Oh yeah, right, right,” I said, gently poking the chair next to me like Monk. “It always seems so real.”

“Do you need to get some sleep?”

“No, I’m good now. I just got lost in it for a moment. Let’s do something.”

“Like what?”

And thus the adventure began ...

(A little story based on a dream from March 12, 2015.)

Lil iMac - 120 days later

As an indicator of how weird my life has been lately, back on December 1, 2015 I bought a new, little iMac. The most important things in my life at that time were that I wanted to be able to run Sarah, and I wanted to be able to run a series of new stock market apps I had written, and my old 2007 iMac wasn’t cutting it any more.

Then my mom had an accident and ended up in the hospital for eleven days with a head injury. Then I ended up in the hospital myself. She was on the 3rd floor and I was on the 4th floor, or vice-versa, I don’t remember, I was pretty out of it. After that there was a long series of doctors’ appointments and tests. Now, about 120 days later, Lil iMac still sits there in its original box. Funny how priorities can change so fast.

2015 Subaru Outback: Poor software quality

I have a 2015 Subaru Outback, and while the basic “car” is good, the software in the car is often comical, as in comically-bad, including bugs and poor design decisions. This image shows that my car has gotten 76.2 MPG over its lifetime, which is off by about 50 MPG.

It may be that this piece of data is trying to convey something else, so in that case it would just be poor design and not wrong data, I don’t know. But I shouldn’t have to dig through the car’s manual while driving 75 MPH on I-70 to figure out what this is trying to show. (And this is just one example of the Outback’s poor software quality.)