Scala, Java, Unix, MacOS tutorials (page 1)

Dear diary,

Annihilation of the ego continues to make progress, at least during sleeping hours. In recent nights I’ve gained awareness during the dream state to find “myself” as animals, women, and other men.

Last night I gained awareness as an older black man, talking to other black men about some of the discrimination and injustices we’ve gone through in our lives. We can laugh a little amongst ourselves about them now, but I could feel that under the laughter there’s also a deep sadness and pain.

Lately each nightly occurrence ends the same way: Eventually there’s a realization that “I” am supposed to be “Al,” and that realization startles me, pulls me from the scene, and wakes me.

Yours truly,
The Hopefully-Disappearing Self

P.S. — I don’t know if it’s more correct to say “black man,” “African-American,” or something else. To be clear, if it wasn’t important to the story I would not mention it at all.

One thing you learn when you really become dedicated to mindfulness practice is that every moment you aren’t being mindful, you’re feeding your ego. Any thought about the past or future solidifies this “ego-cage” you have built up in your mind.

(Note: I saw the term ego-cage in a book, but I don’t remember which one.)

I rarely listen to music from this century, but in late 2020 I became a fan of Let Me Love You Like a Woman, by Lana Del Rey.

Really, I don’t think I liked a new song from 2013 to 2020, and then in December, 2020, I had my radio on an “alternative music” station, and this song came on and it was like time just stopped.

“On one occasion of my own practice, nearing deep samadhi, I happened to notice that the stage of my mind was quietly turning and a new scene was appearing. In this new scene no wandering thought popped up its head; there was absolute stillness and silence, as if one had landed on the Moon.”

~ Zen Training

“I am in the world, but not concerned with the world. I am going through the marketplace, but not as a purchaser.”

~ Ram Dass, quoting Maharaji, quoting Kabir, in Miracle of Love, one of his best books

It’s cool to see that Virginia Schick (Ginny) is/was such a great teacher, in Colorado. And an artist. She was very nice in high school, while I was more of a jerk myself.

(I wasn’t a jerk intentionally. In retrospect it all had a lot to do with my family situation, and wanting to get out of Illinois as fast as possible. I also did not communicate well with anyone, and I regret that as well.)

A funny thing is that I lived in the Boulder, Broomfield, and Longmont, Colorado area for almost 15 years myself.

A very long time ago when my wife and I were going through a difficult patch, I met a woman who I fell deeply in love with, and Next Time I Fall In Love, by Peter Cetera and Amy Grant became a bit of a theme song.

I’ve been seeing a therapist for the last several years. With all that I’ve been going through, it’s been nice to have someone to talk to.

When I got to her office last night there was nobody else there, so we just sat in the lobby and started talking. But after a while some other people came in, so we had to move.

When we got up to move I used telekinesis to move some of the chairs and our things. “How .. how .. how are you doing that?”, she stammered.

“Well, I guess I think about the objects, and then I guess it’s a bit like a tractor beam, and well, I move them to where I want them.” Nobody had ever asked me that before, so my answer wasn’t very well thought out.

Anyway, she said I’m doing fine, but she took a couple of pills herself.

#dream

Each instant, put your heart into it again.
Each moment, remind yourself again.
Each second, check yourself again.
Night and day, make your resolve again.
In the morning, commit yourself again.
Each meditation session, examine mind minutely.
Never be apart from dharma, not even accidentally.
Continually, do not forget.

~ Patrul Rinpoche, in the book,
Enlightened Vagabond