Sometimes when I get really sick with the MCAS symptoms it becomes very hard for me to communicate. If I’m with someone else during those episodes and they look at me struggling I think, “I’m still Al, I’m still in here ... I just can’t get the words out.”
I think sometimes that’s the way it is for people when they get older and slow down, or have dementia, I imagine they have those thoughts as well.
We were in the middle of having some bad storms so I walked up to my living room window to see what they looked like. When I saw the clouds I started to say, “Wow, that’s some nasty looking sh-,” when a close lightning bolt threw me back across the room. Lesson learned: Don’t curse at Mother Nature’s designs.
~ June 28, 2013
It’s great to see wealthy people trying to save the environment. Per this CNN.com story, “Pink Floyd's David Gilmour auctioned 126 of his guitars for a record-breaking $21 million at a New York charity auction Thursday to fight against climate change.” Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay bought the “Black Strat” for ~$4M, and apparently he’s going to make it available to the public.
Having sat next to a famous cello player's cello on a flight back from Alaska, I wonder what the musicians in Alanis Morissette's Uninvited video think about all the smoke at the end of the performance.
The video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjTB6EG3xGo
“Since I had started to break down all my writing and get rid of all facility and try to make instead of describe, writing had been wonderful to do. But it was very difficult, and I did not know how I would ever write anything as long as a novel. It often took me a full morning of work to write a paragraph.”
~ Ernest Hemingway in A Moveable Feast
Over time I’ve discovered a number of things that I have no memory of from the years 2014 to 2016, when I was at my sickest with the mast cell disease. Apparently I created this image and wrote these words on August 24, 2015. (Here’s a link to the original post, if you’re into that sort of thing.)
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever Gods may be,
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance,
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears,
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years,
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
~ Invictus, by William Ernest Henley
(which I learned about via Leonard Nimoy)
“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
“To complain is (your) nonacceptance of what is. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in power. So change the situation by taking action or speaking out. Leave the situation or accept it; all else is madness.
If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options:
If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity.”
~ Eckhart Tolle, The Power Of Now (slightly edited by me)
Found a note today that I wrote on December 24, 2005. I noted that a friend went out of their way to wish me a Merry Christmas, and it was the nicest thing to happen recently and I never wanted to forget it. Reading it tonight made me smile again. Never underestimate the potential effect of the simplest kind word or act.
Here are two good articles on taking a tour of the Patrón distillery in Guadalajara, Mexico, one from traveldistilled.com and a second from distillerytrail.com. (This post is inspired by a tequila discussion with one of my nieces at another niece’s recent wedding.)
Suzanne takes you down takes you down
To her place by the river
You can hear the boats go by
You can spend the night forever
And you know the girl’s half crazy
And that’s why you want to be there
And just when you want to tell her
That you have no love to give her
She gets you on her wavelength
And lets the river answer
That you’ve always been her lover
~ Some lyrics from “Suzanne,” written by Leonard Cohen in the 1960s. (In terms of a song I’d like to listen to, I prefer the Neil Diamond version.)
There is unrest in the forest
There is trouble with the trees
For the maples want more sunlight
And the oaks ignore their pleas.
The trouble with the maples
And they’re quite convinced they’re right
They say the oaks are just too lofty
And they grab up all the light.
But the oaks can’t help their feelings
If they like the way they’re made
And they wonder why the maples
Can’t be happy in their shade?
There is trouble in the forest
And the creatures all have fled
As the maples scream “Oppression!”
And the oaks just shake their heads.
~ from The Trees, by Rush
“I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers that can't be questioned.”
I’m surprised that nobody I know knows the story Tiger Eyes, either the book by Judy Blume or the movie based on the book.
Probably the main theme of the book is about people who are afraid. Presumably they’re afraid of dying, and the result is that they’re afraid of living. Meanwhile, a teenage girl who has good reason to be afraid encounters these people who are afraid of life, and eventually realizes that a fear of life is no way to live. Despite a horrific thing that has happened in her recent past, she makes a conscious decision to live her life.
Dear Diary: Day 20 of not having a thyroid (because of thyroid cancer), not taking thyroid medicine, and the low-iodine diet.
I didn’t know if a person could lose weight without a thyroid, but I’ve dropped six pounds so far. In all I’ve dropped 20 pounds since I finished writing the Scala Cookbook (when I was working around the clock, not exercising, and eating crap).
Blood pressure is usually about 96/56, heart rate 48-54 BPM, and that’s without taking any heart meds. (I’d pass out for sure if I took those.) Low on energy and can’t take my usual long walks without getting the shakes.
Hopefully I’ll pass the blood test on Wednesday — my TSH level needs to be 30 or higher — so I can start the radiation treatment.
~ a note from June 16, 2014, after having my thyroid removed
True confession: My signature looks like my dad’s because I used to write my own notes to skip high school (and I did that a lot).
(Probably inspired by Juan Epstein.)
Two horses in Kentucky, June 1, 2019.
“If you have contact with pure consciousness even for a moment, you are liberated.”
~ Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
You’re not an official geek unless you’ve watched Firefly.
