little ego

What I know about deep meditation states

The following is a (long) discussion of some things you might run into during deep meditation.

Fake Absolute Silence

These days in meditation I spend a lot of time in a place I call “Fake Absolute Silence.” In this state you might be fooled into thinking that you’re in the real state of Absolute Silence, but that’s part of the problem — you’re still thinking. Things are definitely quiet in this state; there aren’t many thoughts, and your concentration is focused on your breathing without distraction. However, I find that I’m still very aware of my body and outside noises. But despite that, it’s generally a mentally quiet place.

Counting all of the people I love or have loved

When I was in New Mexico a few years ago I met a woman who suggested that I needed to quit fighting a particular feeling I have been experiencing. She said that it was my heart chakra attempting to open, but each time it started to open, my Little Ego wouldn’t surrender, it held on to things as they are for dear life. She said that if I would just let go, I’d be on the path to loving all humans unconditionally.

On the drive home I was rudely cut off by a woman in a Mercedes, who was quite literally driving in my lane. As I moved out of her way and we passed each other, she glared at me like I was doing something ridiculously wrong by driving in my own lane. “Humans are a hard species to love,” I thought.

After that experience I decided to start counting all of the people I love or have loved, and if you include Neil Diamond – I threw him in there because my mom liked him so much – I got up to 49.

Somehow I have to find a way to get from 49 to several billion, including the glaring woman in the Mercedes. I think I’m going to have to work on my technique, or perhaps on my definition of “love.”