dying

Steve Jobs: “Remembering that I’ll be dead soon”

In terms of being a nice person, Steve Jobs may have been the worst Buddhist in the history of the world, but he captures the Zen/Buddhist essence in this quote:

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

Photo from forbes.com, words from Steve Jobs.

Look, I have no illusions, okay? I know how it’s gonna end for me.

“Look, I have no illusions, okay? I know that the life I live ... I know how it’s gonna end for me. Whatever. I’m okay with that. But I wanted you to know ... that when I do picture myself happy ... it’s with you.”

(Dean)

All is one, all is one

I am without form, without limit
Beyond space, beyond time
I am in everything, everything is in me
I am the bliss of the universe
Everywhere am I.

~ Ram Kir

A friend of mine was a devout yoga practitioner, and even studied under B.K.S. Iyengar. Right before she passed away, she began to cry tears of joy, and said, “All is one, all is one.”

Two quotes from Daliy Stoic

“No man can have a peaceful life who thinks too much about lengthening it.” ~ Seneca

“There is a limit to the time assigned you, and if you don’t use it to free yourself, it will be gone and never return.” ~ Marcus Aurelius

Living another lifetime in a dream

I meditated last night until I started falling asleep. I kept trying to fight through the sleepiness, but it was to no avail.

I got up, went to bed, and almost immediately had one of those “You’re not Al, you’re somebody else” dream or dream-like experiences (like when Captain Picard went unconscious on the bridge and lived another life). After a long period of time I woke up in a bed with tears streaming down my cheeks because of what had just happened. (A friend died in my arms.) I sat up, looked around, but couldn’t figure out who or where I was. With my body/brain/mind rejecting the situation, I barfed into the trash can by the bedside. I was glad someone put that there.

After somewhere between thirty and ninety seconds I remembered who/where I am. With my body shaking as usual after one of these experiences, and not wanting to go back to sleep, I bundled up and went for a long, cold, after-midnight November walk. The clear sky was beautiful, and I was glad to be alive, even if I felt like crap. I made a note to myself that I need to take midnight walks more often, I appreciate the solitude.

~ November 12, 2015

RIP to several pets

RIP, Tanner.
RIP, Smokey.
RIP, Rusty.

It’s been a rough two weeks in the animal kingdom.

Don’t let yesterday contain the greatest things you’ve ever done

Via a friend on Facebook:

“My advice: Don’t let yesterday contain the greatest things you’ve ever done. Make tomorrow contain your next great goal. Because once you feel your greatest days are behind you, you begin to die.”

At the very least that quote is about the importance of having goals.

Song of the Day: Lonely Ol’ Night, John Mellencamp

I got really sick again yesterday and didn’t know if I’d make it through the night, so I did two things I wanted to do: one good, the other meant as helpful (you know how that can go). Somehow that leads me to making “Lonely Ol’ Night” by John Mellencamp the song of the day:

3 a.m., thought I was a goner

Phew, I thought I was a goner this morning. I don’t know exactly what happened, but what I can say is that before I went to bed at around midnight it felt like my heart was beating irregularly, and then just after I laid in bed I could feel my face flushing. But since I was going to sleep anyway I thought, “Screw it,” and fell asleep very quickly.

What you think about when you’re dying

Before I write this, just to be clear, on most days and times I’m not laying in bed waiting to die. But, there have been somewhere between 20-30 times where I have laid down in bed not knowing if I’d ever get up again. Five of those times I passed out. Recent lab tests also show that I almost certainly have something called a paraganglioma, which doctors refer to as a “pharmacologic time bomb.”