“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
Under Your Scars by Godsmack is today’s song of the day:
And everything feels broken
When you’re not next to me
Would you still be you
If we weren’t we
While this photo looks like a sunset, it was actually a sunrise. I took it in Virginia Beach on April 17, 2017.
This image makes me think of the angst of many American voters in this election. They’re angry at “politics as usual,” so they think, “I’m angry, let’s just blow it up.” But it also makes me think of the young people, and the future.
(the image text comes from this tweet)
I heard the words “funeral pyre” in the Pink Floyd song One Slip (from their Momentary Lapse of Reason album), and wondered what that was. From Wikipedia I learned that a funeral pyre is “a structure, usually made of wood, for burning a body as part of a funeral rite or execution. As a form of cremation, a body is placed upon or under the pyre, which is then set on fire.”
As the Coronavirus gets worse across the United States, remember that Mitch McConnell thought it was more important to have a long, relaxing weekend to attend a party rather than help the Coronavirus fight.
“We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are.”
We don’t see things like a computer sensor sees them. We see everything through our own rose-colored glasses.
(Sorry, I don’t know the original source of this image.)
In a couple of weeks the architecture behind this blog will change significantly. I just started working on the new approach today, and this is what the “front page” of this website currently looks like in my development environment. It needs a little work, lol.
“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”
I still get a chuckle out of things that are designed poorly. In the example shown in the image, when you turn the top handle to lock this door, nothing visible happens. You hear a little sound, but when you look at the crack in the door there is no bolt; nothing moves. The feeling is disconcerting, because you have no idea if this door — a bathroom door in a hospital — is locked. The situation is so bad that the people at the hospital made this little sign to assure you that the door is locked.
This is a case where technology helps to create a problem. Some engineer or designer figured out how to make a lock without any visible moving parts, but they didn’t take the human factor into account with their design.
Thought of the evening: People go through tremendous personal stress (distress!) when the way their life is turning out doesn’t jive with the mental model of who they think they are (i.e., the “little ego”).
As just one example, my father always talked about opening up a hot dog restaurant. “Hot dog joints” were a big thing in northern Illinois, and they still are. He was a social person who ran projects, and I thought that was a great idea for him.
But he had a mental model that he was an engineer, so even after he was laid off from an engineering job he didn’t like, he kept trying to pursue engineering jobs rather than his dream. He never could break through that, “I was trained as an engineer so I’m supposed to be an engineer” mental model. As a result he became angry, and his life didn’t end well as a result.
In my own case, for many years all I wanted was to be a professional baseball player, and it took several injuries and many years before I finally had to accept that it wasn’t going to happen. Sadly, those were lost years in many ways, and all because I couldn’t let go of the old mental model I had of who I thought I was supposed to be. And because I couldn’t let go of the old model, I couldn’t see the new opportunities that were staring me in the face.
But finally I reached a breaking point. Everything literally came to a head and I said, “F*** this. This is not how I want to spend my life.” To this day I remember that moment.
Some time later I would look back and think, “OMG, why did I waste all those years?” But I understand, even when everyone around you can clearly see what needs to happen, when it’s happening to you — when you’re in the middle of it — it’s a big, ugly, emotional mess. Something is trying to crack your cosmic egg, and when anything tries to destroy the little ego you’ve spent all your life building up ... well, it’s insanely stressful. You’ve spent XX years building up this mental model of who you are, and now something is trying to destroy that model. (A model which I should add exists only in your brain.)
All I can say is that in my case I found a new way to live, and indeed, many of the happiest years of my life.
Ah, the adorable puppy head tilt. :) (Based on an image search, this appears to be created by Mark Parisi.)
Had a dream about having a job interview with Apple this morning. I was talking to some guy, and he asked me to write some Scala code for a particular problem, so I did. I wrote the solution by hand, and as usual, writing in a dream is hard, and the handwriting didn’t look like my own.
Then he didn’t seem to interested in the solution. He told me to follow him and we went into a room filled with a few couches, folding chairs, and Apple employees. They were getting set to watch a video or teleconference.
“Pursue something so important that even if you fail, the world is better off with you having tried.”
~ Tim O’Reilly
Weird thought of the weekend: I was just listening to Make It With You by Bread, and I thought, “I can love someone else, but I can’t imagine why they would love me.” I wonder how many people think that.
Life can be short or long
Love can be right or wrong
And if I chose the one I’d like to help me through
I’d like to make it with you
I was just reminded of a “funny” event from the worst of the mast cell activation disease days in 2014-2017 (before doctors knew what I had). I was just released from the hospital for something — maybe from my second fake heart attack, I don’t remember for sure — and I thought, “If I’m going to die before they figure out what’s wrong with me, I’d like to have a chocolate milk shake.”
So I drove to a placed called Sweet Cow in Louisville, Colorado, ordered a milkshake, and then began going unconscious before the order could even be completed. While the poor guy was making my shake I walked out of the store, sat on a bench outside, and put my head between my legs, hoping I wouldn’t pass out. The guy who was making my shake was probably only in high school, and he eventually brought the shake out to me while I sat there with my head between my legs. We had some sort of conversation, the gist of which was I was trying not to pass out and him saying that the milkshake was free.
With the help of a few people I eventually stumbled out of there and made it home. Such was life with the worst of the mast cell disease.
P.S. — These days I’m much better, thank you.
When I started watching Season 3 of In Treatment, I was pleasantly surprised to see that Irrfan Khan plays one of the patients. I enjoy listening to his voice, he's a good storyteller.
“I used to think when someone cheated on me that I was flawed ... I’ve now come to see that when someone mistreats you it has almost nothing to do with you. Other people’s behavior is about them.”
~ Kirsten Davies, in this TinyBuddha.com post
Waitin’, watchin’ the clock
It’s four o’clock
It’s got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says she’s in love with him
Can’t find a better man
She dreams in colour
She dreams in red
Can’t find a better man
Talkin’ to herself
There’s no one else who needs to know
She tells herself
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along
Swears she knew it
Now she swears he’s gone
~ some lyrics from Better Man, by Pearl Jam
The Guardian has a good story whose title tells you what you need to know: A dirty secret: you can only be a writer if you can afford it.
