Posts in the “personal” category

I had never heard of the term “catfishing” until I saw it used in some show on Netflix the other day.

I never liked living in states that always voted Republican or always voted Democrat, because if you were voting for the other Presidential candidate in those states, your vote didn’t really matter.

Like Al Gore before her, it looks like Hillary Clinton will win the popular vote while losing the election. Given what we can do with modern technology, I hope the antiquated Electoral College will soon be abolished so every individual’s vote really will matter.

(I don’t write this as a Democrat or Republican. By my count I have voted for four Republican presidential candidates and four or five Democrats. I write it as someone who is an Independent voter in America who likes their vote — and everyone else’s vote — to be meaningful.)

~ November 9, 2016

These days I generally feel very good, but as I go through some of these medical treatments they can make me feel pretty miserable, especially when combined with the effects of the MCAS. During times like that I usually just meditate in bed or in a recliner, generally not thinking about anything, just breathing, letting the inside and outside become one. I do this almost all of the time.

But other times when I can’t do that for one reason or another, I started to create a little “feel good” list to reflect on. This is something that when I’m not feeling well and I can’t meditate, it helps to remind me that life has generally been very good to me. I think about various things, all of the favorite times I’ve had in my life, meeting my wife, playing baseball, all of the dogs, good vacations, fun with friends, etc.

One thing I hadn’t thought about in a long time that came to mind recently was that when I was 32 years old I worked for a company I called the Evil Empire, and something good happened on my last day there. (That wasn’t their real name, but some of the owners of that company inspired me to give it that name.)

“We are naturally driven by self-interest; it’s necessary to survive. But we need wise self-interest that is generous and cooperative, taking others’ interests into account.”

~ the Dalai Lama

These times are so uncertain
There’s a yearning undefined
People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?

~ Don Henley, The Heart of the Matter

I’ve been interested in “Imposter Syndrome” since I first heard about it. I’ve thought about it as being a lack of confidence, and that’s illustrated in this graphic by Jay Elmore, which I found on this Twitter page.

“The real does not die, the unreal never lived. Once you know that death happens to the body and not you, you just watch your body falling off like a discarded garment. The real you is timeless and beyond birth and death. The body will survive as long as it is needed. It is not important that it should live long.”

~ Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

Today I learned that a cousin’s wife died, and also that a man I used to enjoy talking to when I lived in Kentucky passed away six years ago. RIP, Kathy; RIP, Bill.

Not much free time today, so I’ll mix two topics. First, this morning I apparently started a new dream series in which I’m a new doctor at a medical practice. Of course I get the worst patients as a result, so that was interesting.

Next, in the movie Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, I was wondering what the song is that the woman at the piano (sorry I don’t know her name) starts playing when John Cusack walks by. I was guessing it was Fools Rush In by Johnny Mercer, and when I looked up that song I saw that Rosemary Clooney did a version of it. She’s in White Christmas, which is one of my favorite movies, and I also knew that she was George Clooney’s aunt. What I didn’t know is that she lived in Mayfield, Kentucky, and she’s the mother of Miguel Ferrer, who I mostly know as FBI Agent Albert Rosenfield on Twin Peaks (and two days it was Twin Peaks Day).

Many people seem to struggle to say things that are either pleasant or unpleasant. I can’t speak for anyone else, but having gone through the process of not knowing if I was going to live through many days in 2016, I find it easier to say pretty much anything now. It’s like you really know your time is limited. If I had died one of those times instead of just getting sick and going unconscious I wouldn’t be here now, so it’s like I got some free tickets to have fun at the circus for a little while longer.

(I suppose that sometimes when you’re dealing with the opposite sex you have to be a little careful. Today I told a woman that I liked her hair (it was tinted red-ish), but then when I got “that look” I clarified it by adding that I didn’t say that because I wanted her to come over tonight to bake some cookies, I just liked what she had done with her hair.)

~ a Facebook post from February 25, 2017

To which a friend replied:

Nothing ventured nothing gained
No more lingering doubt remained
Nothing sacred or profane
Everything to gain
Cause you’ve nothing left to lose

Lindsey: Don’t tell me you’re seeing inside them again. (long pause) What are people like, on the inside?

Jeremy: Inside most people there’s a feeling of being separate, separated from everything.

Lindsey: And?

Jeremy: And they’re not. They’re part of absolutely everyone, and everything.

Lindsey: Everything? I’m part of this tree? Part of my dog barking over fences? You’re telling me that I’m part of some fisherman in Italy, on some ocean I’ve never even heard of? There’s some guy, sitting on death row, I’m part of him, too?

Jeremy: You don’t believe me.

Lindsey: It’s hard to believe that. All of that.

Jeremy: That’s because you have this spot that you can’t see past. (Putting his finger on her forehead.) My grams and gramps had it, a spot where they were taught they were disconnected from everything.

Lindsey: So that’s what they’d see if they could? That they’re connected?

Jeremy: And how beautiful they really are. And that there’s no need to hide, or lie. And that it’s possible to talk to someone without any lies, with no sarcasms, no deceptions, no exaggerations or any of the things that people use to confuse the truth.

~ a conversation from the movie Powder

Every year at the time of the NFL Combine I’m reminded that my hands are 10” in size, per the NFL measurement standard. I never thought of that as being particularly large, but it’s larger than guys like Patrick Mahomes, who comes in at 9.25”. That being said, he’s a great quarterback, and I’m not. :)

Mast cell disease isn’t enough, a DNA test for hemochromatosis shows that I’m a “compound heterozygote.” If you’re interested, you can find more information at hemochromatosis.org.

They say I got this disease from the combination of my parents DNA, but I’m guessing I got it from watching the Limitless tv series so many times. :)

Lights go out and I can’t be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
Brought me down upon my knees
Oh I beg, I beg and plead

Come out of things unsaid
Shoot an apple off my head
And a trouble that can’t be named
A tiger’s waiting to be tamed

You are
You are

Confusion that never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks, gonna
Come back and take you home
I could not stop, that you now know

~ from the song Clocks, by Coldplay

FATHER, TALKING TO HIS SON: Life is a pain in the ass. I’ll tell ya’, you know. You work hard, try to provide for the family, and then for one minute ... everything’s good. Everyone’s well, everyone’s happy, and in that one minute you have peace.

SON: Pop ... this isn’t that minute.

~ from the movie, While You Were Sleeping

“His name’s Chappy.”

~ an inside family joke, from a Jackie Chan movie

“Always do what you are afraid to do” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

(Image from the Zen Pencils website)

“One woman can make you fly like an eagle, another can give you the strength of a lion, but only one in the cycle of life can fill your heart with wonder and the wisdom that you have known a singular joy.”

~ Twin Peaks

Way back in my first year of college I went to Kentucky Wesleyan College in Owensboro, Kentucky. A teacher at the school named Gary Bielefeld created the mosaic mural of mirrors shown in this image on the side of a building in the downtown area, using two tons of glass. Per the video, more than 9,000 drivers see the mural every day when they go over the blue bridge that’s just to the left of this parking area. For more information, see this 14news.com story.

Today (2/20/2020) was a bit of a milestone in that I was able to walk for 15 minutes straight before I got the first twinge in my heart. This was the first day I was able to walk that long without pain since the pericarditis episode of late 2019.