Posts in the “personal” category

Ah, the adorable puppy head tilt. :) (Based on an image search, this appears to be created by Mark Parisi.)

Had a dream about having a job interview with Apple this morning. I was talking to some guy, and he asked me to write some Scala code for a particular problem, so I did. I wrote the solution by hand, and as usual, writing in a dream is hard, and the handwriting didn’t look like my own.

Then he didn’t seem to interested in the solution. He told me to follow him and we went into a room filled with a few couches, folding chairs, and Apple employees. They were getting set to watch a video or teleconference.

“Pursue something so important that even if you fail, the world is better off with you having tried.”

~ Tim O’Reilly

Weird thought of the weekend: I was just listening to Make It With You by Bread, and I thought, “I can love someone else, but I can’t imagine why they would love me.” I wonder how many people think that.

Life can be short or long
Love can be right or wrong
And if I chose the one I’d like to help me through
I’d like to make it with you

I was just reminded of a “funny” event from the worst of the mast cell activation disease days in 2014-2017 (before doctors knew what I had). I was just released from the hospital for something — maybe from my second fake heart attack, I don’t remember for sure — and I thought, “If I’m going to die before they figure out what’s wrong with me, I’d like to have a chocolate milk shake.”

So I drove to a placed called Sweet Cow in Louisville, Colorado, ordered a milkshake, and then began going unconscious before the order could even be completed. While the poor guy was making my shake I walked out of the store, sat on a bench outside, and put my head between my legs, hoping I wouldn’t pass out. The guy who was making my shake was probably only in high school, and he eventually brought the shake out to me while I sat there with my head between my legs. We had some sort of conversation, the gist of which was I was trying not to pass out and him saying that the milkshake was free.

With the help of a few people I eventually stumbled out of there and made it home. Such was life with the worst of the mast cell disease.

P.S. — These days I’m much better, thank you.

When I started watching Season 3 of In Treatment, I was pleasantly surprised to see that Irrfan Khan plays one of the patients. I enjoy listening to his voice, he's a good storyteller.

“I used to think when someone cheated on me that I was flawed ... I’ve now come to see that when someone mistreats you it has almost nothing to do with you. Other people’s behavior is about them.”

~ Kirsten Davies, in this TinyBuddha.com post

Waitin’, watchin’ the clock
It’s four o’clock
It’s got to stop

Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over

She lies and says she’s in love with him
Can’t find a better man

She dreams in colour
She dreams in red
Can’t find a better man

Talkin’ to herself
There’s no one else who needs to know
She tells herself

Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along
Swears she knew it
Now she swears he’s gone

~ some lyrics from Better Man, by Pearl Jam

The Guardian has a good story whose title tells you what you need to know: A dirty secret: you can only be a writer if you can afford it.

I had never heard of the term “catfishing” until I saw it used in some show on Netflix the other day.

I never liked living in states that always voted Republican or always voted Democrat, because if you were voting for the other Presidential candidate in those states, your vote didn’t really matter.

Like Al Gore before her, it looks like Hillary Clinton will win the popular vote while losing the election. Given what we can do with modern technology, I hope the antiquated Electoral College will soon be abolished so every individual’s vote really will matter.

(I don’t write this as a Democrat or Republican. By my count I have voted for four Republican presidential candidates and four or five Democrats. I write it as someone who is an Independent voter in America who likes their vote — and everyone else’s vote — to be meaningful.)

~ November 9, 2016

These days I generally feel very good, but as I go through some of these medical treatments they can make me feel pretty miserable, especially when combined with the effects of the MCAS. During times like that I usually just meditate in bed or in a recliner, generally not thinking about anything, just breathing, letting the inside and outside become one. I do this almost all of the time.

But other times when I can’t do that for one reason or another, I started to create a little “feel good” list to reflect on. This is something that when I’m not feeling well and I can’t meditate, it helps to remind me that life has generally been very good to me. I think about various things, all of the favorite times I’ve had in my life, meeting my wife, playing baseball, all of the dogs, good vacations, fun with friends, etc.

One thing I hadn’t thought about in a long time that came to mind recently was that when I was 32 years old I worked for a company I called the Evil Empire, and something good happened on my last day there. (That wasn’t their real name, but some of the owners of that company inspired me to give it that name.)

“We are naturally driven by self-interest; it’s necessary to survive. But we need wise self-interest that is generous and cooperative, taking others’ interests into account.”

~ the Dalai Lama

These times are so uncertain
There’s a yearning undefined
People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?

~ Don Henley, The Heart of the Matter

I’ve been interested in “Imposter Syndrome” since I first heard about it. I’ve thought about it as being a lack of confidence, and that’s illustrated in this graphic by Jay Elmore, which I found on this Twitter page.

“The real does not die, the unreal never lived. Once you know that death happens to the body and not you, you just watch your body falling off like a discarded garment. The real you is timeless and beyond birth and death. The body will survive as long as it is needed. It is not important that it should live long.”

~ Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

Today I learned that a cousin’s wife died, and also that a man I used to enjoy talking to when I lived in Kentucky passed away six years ago. RIP, Kathy; RIP, Bill.

Not much free time today, so I’ll mix two topics. First, this morning I apparently started a new dream series in which I’m a new doctor at a medical practice. Of course I get the worst patients as a result, so that was interesting.

Next, in the movie Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, I was wondering what the song is that the woman at the piano (sorry I don’t know her name) starts playing when John Cusack walks by. I was guessing it was Fools Rush In by Johnny Mercer, and when I looked up that song I saw that Rosemary Clooney did a version of it. She’s in White Christmas, which is one of my favorite movies, and I also knew that she was George Clooney’s aunt. What I didn’t know is that she lived in Mayfield, Kentucky, and she’s the mother of Miguel Ferrer, who I mostly know as FBI Agent Albert Rosenfield on Twin Peaks (and two days it was Twin Peaks Day).

Many people seem to struggle to say things that are either pleasant or unpleasant. I can’t speak for anyone else, but having gone through the process of not knowing if I was going to live through many days in 2016, I find it easier to say pretty much anything now. It’s like you really know your time is limited. If I had died one of those times instead of just getting sick and going unconscious I wouldn’t be here now, so it’s like I got some free tickets to have fun at the circus for a little while longer.

(I suppose that sometimes when you’re dealing with the opposite sex you have to be a little careful. Today I told a woman that I liked her hair (it was tinted red-ish), but then when I got “that look” I clarified it by adding that I didn’t say that because I wanted her to come over tonight to bake some cookies, I just liked what she had done with her hair.)

~ a Facebook post from February 25, 2017

To which a friend replied:

Nothing ventured nothing gained
No more lingering doubt remained
Nothing sacred or profane
Everything to gain
Cause you’ve nothing left to lose

Every year at the time of the NFL Combine I’m reminded that my hands are 10” in size, per the NFL measurement standard. I never thought of that as being particularly large, but it’s larger than guys like Patrick Mahomes, who comes in at 9.25”. That being said, he’s a great quarterback, and I’m not. :)