Posts in the “personal” category

A woman’s voice calls my name while I am meditating

December 10, 2021:

I was sitting there meditating in the pitch dark this morning, enjoying a peaceful, easy feeling, when I heard a woman say, “Alvin.” It wasn’t like “Alvin, are you there?”, but more like, “Alvin, pay attention, I’m about to say something to you.”

But for some reason that was as disconcerting as any experience I’ve ever had, and I popped out of the meditative state and opened my eyes.

Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj’s “I am not the body” quotes from Consciousness and the Absolute

I only learned about Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj in 2024, but his teaching have made a huge impression on me. To that end, here are some of my favorite quotes related to his famous saying, “I am not the body,” from the book, Consciousness and the Absolute: The Final Talks of Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj:

  • The very idea that you are the body is ridiculous. Consciousness is experiencing its manifestation.
  • Just as I see you, I look at this body, but I am apart from it. I am not identified with the body.
  • (A jnani) watches the play as a witness.
  • ... this consciousness functions through millions of forms.
  • A jnani’s state remains the same with or without the body.
  • Disassociate from the body.
  • There is no otherness; you are everything.

There are many more great quotes in that book, but these are the ones that really strike me today (December, 2024).

Ghost Dog: In the hypnagogic or hypnopompic state, a dog asks to go out

I was sleeping on the couch this morning when X (a black and white husky) jumped up on me. I was laying on my right side, facing the back of the couch, so my back was to her. When she jumped up, her front legs were on my left hip, so I assumed she was standing on her back legs.

This woke me up and without moving much, I said, “Do you have to go out? That’s a good girl for letting me know.”

So I moved around and got up, but there was no dog there. X was asleep on her bed in the hallway.

(This was the third time a dog has gotten in bed with me while I was laying down, only to not be there after I moved around.)

~ December 7, 2022

A Christmas Story

[From time to time I write little stories that have nothing to do with programming or technology; this is one of those stories. So, if you’re only here for the technology stuff, you’ll want to skip this one.]

I’m standing in the kitchen of a friend’s house at a Christmas party, making myself a drink while talking to a friend named Angie. This was nothing unusual; she and I were always talking about something. We became friends during our last year in high school, and we’ve been talking ever since.

In retrospect, it’s obvious that I have feelings for her, but I guess you could say that I didn’t appreciate her back then. After high school, my ambition took me away to college, and then to a series of jobs in different states. By the time I decided to move back home, she was married and had two young children.

While we talked all the time, this kitchen conversation was unusual. I don’t remember how it started, but Angie did ask me about something I rarely talk about: my parents getting divorced in high school.

The ol’ cabin in Talkeetna

A friend was in Talkeetna recently, and sent me a picture of what this cabin looks like these days. Skipping over that, this is what it looked like in mid-September when I lived there.

Dan Fogelberg: Part of the Plan lyrics

Some great lyrics from Dan Fogelberg:

I have these moments all steady and strong
I’m feeling so holy and humble
The next thing I know, I’m all worried and weak
And I feel myself starting to crumble
The meanings get lost, and the teachings get tossed
And you don’t know what you’re gonna do next
You wait for the sun but it never quite comes
Some kind of message comes through to you
Some kind of message comes through
And it says to you
Love when you can
Cry when you have to
Be who you must
That’s a part of the plan
Await your arrival
With simple survival and
One day, we’ll all understand

She was beautiful, but not like those girls in magazines ...

A favorite quote:

“She was beautiful, but not like those girls in magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul. She is beautiful.”

~  F. Scott Fitzgerald

Mindfulness meditation: Noting or witnessing is just narrating what your body is doing in the present moment

As I wrote in Different meditation/mindfulness practices, different cultures, and they all talk about witnessing/noting, mindfulness and meditation masters (teachers) from different cultures, countries, and styles of practice often teach the same thing in different ways: a style of mindfulness meditation known as witnessing or noting.

To me, a simple way to think about this is that as your body goes along with its daily life, all you have to do is simply narrate what your body is doing at all times, in the present moment.

If you like, you can think of yourself as being the witness/soul, watching the body, and noting what it’s doing, like a birdwatcher does when they note what birds are doing in a forest. It’s that simple.

Different meditation/mindfulness practices, different cultures, and they all talk about witnessing/noting

I’ve mentioned before that at the Providence Zen Center, when you meditate, you are told to constantly ask yourself, “What am I?” And when you’re doing some action, such as driving a car, you ask yourself, “Who is driving?”

I’ve also mentioned that these days the most popular mindfulness practice is to “note” what you’re doing, moment by moment. So when you’re eating you say, “eating,” and when you’re washing your hands you say, “washing,” and so on.

Ram Dass and witnessing

Tonight I was re-reading Ram Dass’s first book, Be Here Now, and found a section where he talks about developing the “witness” in yourself by narrating your life: “Oh, he’s heading to the refrigerator now. It looks like he’s going to get some ice cream. Yes, he’s picked up the ice cream container...”

The thing about these techniques is that (a) they come from three different types of spiritual practice, but (b) although their words are different, their intent is the same: They try to get your attention/awareness aligned with what your body is doing in the present moment.

Meditate like Eleven giving her all

If you’re ever interested in meditation, I promise that if you work hard enough, you can achieve this kind of intensity. I’m fortunate that it happens to me from time to time now.

As Ramana Maharshi said, “Proper meditation is so intense it doesn’t even allow thinking, ‘I am meditating.’”

Two quotes: How the devil is dressed, and escaping from prison

I came across two quotes recently that seem related ... and not necessarily just in a spiritual/religious way:

“The devil doesn’t come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you’ve ever wished for.”

AND:

“The best way to keep a prisoner from escaping is to make sure he never knows he’s in prison.”

Lately I’ve been thinking about how some people get to a certain point and then never mature any more. It’s like maybe they get everything they ever wanted, and they stop there. They become comfortable or complacent, and in doing so, they create their own prison.

Lucid dream: Meeting a tall, healthy Ram Dass, and The Lamb of God

As I became lucid in a dream this morning, I ran into Ram Dass. He was wearing a long-white outfit that I have seen in pictures of him, he was healthy again, with a big beard, and was much taller than I expected — significantly taller than me. (I later looked this up to find out he was 6’3”.)

He was standing next to a doorway and gathering people together for a seminar that he was giving, and asked if I wanted to attend. I said yes, and he said I was welcome if I could be like “The Lamb of God.”

I thought I knew what he meant by that, but just to be sure I asked him what he meant.