Tonight while meditating I sat in my recliner to meditate as usual. I didn’t know it at the time, but for almost three hours I kept meditating and falling asleep. My head would fall forward, then I’d raise it, then it would fall forward and I’d raise it again, and so on. I’m sure it would have been humorous to watch from the outside.
But after a while, once I got past the initial “tired” stage, my awareness didn’t fall asleep, even though the head would occasionally fall down. I kept focusing on the third eye area and vowed to myself that I wouldn’t stop until I could see. I felt like my neck would break before I’d quit.
I have no idea where tonight’s determination came from, other than I had had an irritating day, so maybe that was a little extra fuel for the meditation fire. (I’ve also been dealing with an upper respiratory infection, and thanks to the antibiotics, today was the first day I haven’t felt sick in several weeks.)
Finally, as I kept staring straight ahead in the darkness in my mind, I could see a little something. Some sort of scene, but blurry. Then my head fell and I had to lift it up again, but I didn’t lose the scene. Then I could see the complete scene, and I watched it play out. I stayed there for a while until I was satisfied. When I decided I had seen enough, I got up, looked at a clock, and saw that almost three hours had passed.
What I saw doesn’t matter, it was just something personal. What matters is having the determination and resolve to not give up, not to stop staring into the blackness. I know that if I hadn’t seen something by this time I would have kept going for a very long time, maybe until morning. Tonight I wouldn’t take no for an answer, and I’m pleased with the result.
~ January 8, 2021
books by alvin
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