From a recent email:
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. Winston Churchill loved them.
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
5. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
6. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
7. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify: ________', I put 'DOCTOR'.
8. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
9. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
10. I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure.
11. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
12. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but now it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one.
13. Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. ~ Groucho Marx