When life gives you cream, make a White Russian. Dude.
“A month ago I went on a juice cleanse. You know what it cleans out of you best? The will to live.”
A short review of the Wizard of Oz.
I have this “Doorbell broken, yell ‘Ding dong’ really loud” doormat. My neighbors seem to enjoy it.
Um, I’m pretty sure he plays tight end ...
“What if I never find out who’s a good boy?”
[1st day working at the Hotel California]
Guest: I’d like to check out.
Me: Sure. You’re all set. Have a great day!
Boss: Can I see you in my office?
Went to hear Bach last night. Very disappointing. It was just some cover band.
Duck looks surprisingly calm after what appears to be a rough landing.