Sunday, July 31, 2005

I just got back into town today after going home to celebrate a relative's 75th birthday. The party was nice, but truthfully, I just wanted to get out of town again for a few days. Since the divorce, I've been thinking more and more about what is keeping me in this town — my wife's hometown — and I finally came to the decision that nothing is.

Since coming to that decision, I've been thinking more and more about selling off all of my interest in the business, either to my current business partners or to an outside entity, and on the trip back here today I decided to make this happen one way or another. I'll do whatever is needed to sell the entire company, or just my shares in the company. I hate to say it, but I'll put my current client projects on the back burner, at least in my mind, and make selling my interest in the business priority number one. Shoot, the second business broker we talked to (Steve) expressed his interest in buying into the company, so maybe I can just sell it to him.

I'll list all my reasons for making this decision at some, but I've written about a number of them already, including hating coming back to the office, feeling burned out, and feeling that this is not my hometown, and not a town I want to retire in.

Liberating decision

I have to say, on the drive home, just making this decision feels incredibly liberating. Just making the decision that come hell or high water I'm going to sell my shares and get on with my life, I felt an insane energy rush. In fact, despite the long drive, which usually wears me out, it's currently almost four in the morning, and I still don't have any plans to go to sleep tonight.

You know what they say about a monkey being lifted off your back? It feels just like that, except instead of a monkey it's like a two-ton weight has been lifted, and I feel as light and energetic as I've felt since being about 22 years old. The worst part of the buzz was wasting it while driving in the car. I wish I had been at a park or on a beach. But hey, the weather was beautiful, and the traffic was light.

I'm amazed that just a thought like this can make me feel so good. I haven't even sold my interest, I just made the commitment to take things in my own hands and get this done, and now I feel like this. Has work really been draining me this much? I knew I wasn't happy, but I didn't realize what a burden the company had become.

Now all I have to do is tell everyone else I'm leaving.

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